How to Kiss for the Very First Time….
The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.
Emil Ludwig (1881-1948)
After weeks of talking and getting to know someone online, you’ve finally taken the plunge and set up your first date together.
The evening is drawing to a close and you’ve had a great time but you’re starting to get nervous. The minutes are counting down, bringing you closer and closer to that exciting, almost inevitable moment at the end of the evening – your first kiss.
You really want to kiss him/her but you are so nervous you’re just not sure how to go about it.
So much hinges on the first kiss. Kissing, after all, is known to trigger a string of reflex chemical reactions in our minds and throughout our bodies.
We kiss with tenderness, passion, desire and emotion. We kiss because it makes us feel good and strengthens bonds we already share with the person we are kissing.
It is the unspoken prelude to that which is the ultimate state of all lovers – ecstasy, joy and fulfilment. No wonder so many of us are filled with anxiety at the thought of the first kiss – the moment that can make a difference between just a nice night out and the start of the rest of your life.
We’ve put together a few tips on the art of how and when to just lick your lips and get kissing!
1. Be kissable!
“Where should one use perfume?”a young woman asked.
“Wherever one wants to be kissed,”I said.
Coco Chanel
Humans, like most other living creatures, are highly sensitive to the scent of the opposite sex. Making sure you are freshly showered and have a pack of breath mints handy is a good idea. And whilst most men and women wear some form of aftershave/perfume, try not to use too much or you’ll over power that which is most desirable of all – the imperceptible aroma of your own sexual pheromones!
2. Make sure you read the signs properly!
The worst thing a man can ever do is kiss me on the first date.
Halle Berry
Ok – so we’re all different. But wouldn’t it be terrible if you mis-read the signs and tried to kiss him/her when they really were not ready? So how can you tell if your advances are going to be welcomed or not?
Well, pay attention to signals that say the other person is “into you” and ready for that first kiss. Are they getting a bit “touchy feely”, brushing up against you and flirting with you? Has the subject of kissing come up in conversation?
If you haven’t noticed any subtle signs that this person would like to be kissed, try sending out a few signals of your own and see what sort of response you get. Maybe they’re just shy and waiting for you to make the first move?
3. Getting the timing right
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
Ingrid Bergman
There really shouldn’t be any big rush when it comes to your first kiss. Wait for the signs and give expectation and anticipation a chance to work their magic. The time will come when words really will become superfluous and the only thing left to do will be to kiss.
4. Going in for the kiss
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.
Eduardo Galeano
By the time you’re ready to kiss, chances are you’re already pretty close together – whether you’re strolling home hand in hand or sat with your heads almost touching, deep in conversation in a restaurant. Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, just try to relax and enjoy it.
As you lean into kiss, tip your head to one side and look into your partner’s eyes, closing them once your lips have made contact. Hold hands, put your arm around their waist, bury your fingers in their hair as you enjoy the sensation of your mouths gently exploring each other for the very first time.
Feel your toes tingle and enjoy every single second.
5. Simply make the kiss the reason for the kiss….
Soul meets soul on lovers’ lips.
Percy Bysshe Shelley
Clear your mind and just “feel” the kiss. Experience the sensations flowing through your body and feel the beating of your heart. Don’t think about what comes next, don’t think about whether you’re “doing it right”, never worry about how you might look, don’t wonder what your partner is thinking – don’t think, period.
Just feel.
The best kissers concentrate solely on the kiss and seem not to expect anything more than the pleasure to be had from such an intimate act of sharing between two people.
So enjoy the soft caress of each others’ lips and stop worrying about where it may or may not lead!
Dating Rules
Do you remember when you were a teenager and all you ever did was talk about dating – how to get a date, what to do when you were on a date, how to keep a date etc?
It seemed almost like a full time occupation!
I bet you and your friends would spend ages analyzing and advising each other on techniques to use and rules to follow in order to succeed.
It was a bit like having your own little version of the Sex and the City girls going on – talking about what to wear, where to go, when to call, when not to call and all the rest of it.
Suddenly though, we meet “the one”, settle down, have children and live a life of wedded bliss and slowly but surely forget all the stuff we learned about successfully dealing with the opposite sex.
So when the fairytale comes to a sudden and abrupt end and we are thrust unceremoniously back into the dating arena – well, we simply no longer have a clue what to do!
Sure enough, we start behaving like complete idiots rather than the epitome of dating sophistication that we once were. We act desperate, call too often, laugh too much, ask the wrong questions and just basically lay ourselves wide open to being taken for a ride and getting hurt all over again.
Like it or not, dating is a game to be played and like all games, there are certain rules to follow to make sure you get to the end – passing “go” and picking up a few treats on the way!
If you want to find and keep your perfect match without getting hurt or losing your head, just refresh your memory with these few simple guidelines on how to play the game and win!
A Few General Dating Rules
Always make an effort to look good. I’m not saying you should be judged on your looks, but it is just good manners to make an effort when meeting your date.
Enigmatic women drive men wild. It pays not to reveal too much too soon!
Use your manners and lay off the bottle. Getting drunk, forgetting your “please and thank-yous”, arriving late – they all go towards creating an unfavourable impression rather than eliciting a second date.
Dating a married man is a ticket to getting your heart broken. Only rarely do they ever leave “the wife”. You’re just allowing yourself to be an amusing diversion. You deserve better.
Try dating “a different type”. It was your “usual type” that put you in the position you’re in!
If he starts showing signs of neediness and insecurity, head for the hills! Chances are, you’ve already got children – you’re looking for a man, not a boy.
Never ever talk about past lovers and how they “performed”. Men do not like it – ‘nough said.
Don’t ever tell lies to your date. A year down the line when you’re blissfully in love, all can be shattered by the discovery of that one untruth when you were just starting out. Besides, you’re good enough as you are – you don’t need to make things up just to impress! Good relationships are based on honesty and trust.
Should you or shouldn’t you? You know what I mean! Sex on the first date…. Well, in my opinion, it’s a no-no. I wouldn’t think much of him afterwards, and I’m pretty sure it’d change his opinion of me too!
Finally – be safe! And I don’t just mean if you choose to ignore my last piece of advice. (Incidentally, women can buy condoms too you know). Anyway, tell your friends when you’re meeting him, where you’re meeting and make sure you take your phone.
Always remember, you’re gorgeous, you’re funny, you’re fabulous and the world is your oyster!
