It seemed almost like a full time occupation!

I bet you and your friends would spend ages analyzing and advising each other on techniques to use and rules to follow in order to succeed.

It was a bit like having your own little version of the Sex and the City girls going on – talking about what to wear, where to go, when to call, when not to call and all the rest of it.

Suddenly though, we meet “the one”, settle down, have children and live a life of wedded bliss and slowly but surely forget all the stuff we learned about successfully dealing with the opposite sex.

So when the fairytale comes to a sudden and abrupt end and we are thrust unceremoniously back into the dating arena – well, we simply no longer have a clue what to do!

Sure enough, we start behaving like complete idiots rather than the epitome of  dating sophistication that we once were. We act desperate, call too often, laugh too much, ask the wrong questions and just basically lay ourselves wide open to being taken for a ride and getting hurt all over again.

Like it or not, dating is a game to be played and like all games, there are certain rules to follow to make sure you get to the end – passing “go” and picking up a few treats on the way!

If you want to find and keep your perfect match without getting hurt or losing your head, just refresh your memory with these few simple guidelines on how to play the game and win!

A Few General Dating Rules

Always make an effort to look good. I’m not saying you should be judged on your looks, but it is just good manners to make an effort when meeting your date.

Enigmatic women drive men wild. It pays not to reveal too much too soon!

Use your manners and lay off the bottle. Getting drunk, forgetting your “please and thank-yous”, arriving late – they all go towards creating an unfavourable impression rather than eliciting a second date.

Dating a married man is a ticket to getting your heart broken. Only rarely do they ever leave “the wife”. You’re just allowing yourself to be an amusing diversion. You deserve better.

Try dating “a different type”. It was your “usual type” that put you in the position you’re in!

If he starts showing signs of neediness and insecurity, head for the hills! Chances are, you’ve already got children – you’re looking for a man, not a boy.

Never ever talk about past lovers and how they “performed”. Men do not like it – ‘nough said.

Don’t ever tell lies to your date. A year down the line when you’re blissfully in love, all can be shattered by the discovery of that one untruth when you were just starting out. Besides, you’re good enough as you are – you don’t need to make things up just to impress! Good relationships are based on honesty and trust.

Should you or shouldn’t you? You know what I mean! Sex on the first date…. Well, in my opinion, it’s a no-no. I wouldn’t think much of him afterwards, and I’m pretty sure it’d change his opinion of me too!

Finally – be safe! And I don’t just mean if you choose to ignore my last piece of advice. (Incidentally, women can buy condoms too you know). Anyway, tell your friends when you’re meeting him, where you’re meeting and make sure you take your phone.

Always remember, you’re gorgeous, you’re funny, you’re fabulous and the world is your oyster!
 

First and Foremost – Your Online Profile.

1. If you think you can lie about your age….

…use a picture of your best mates muscles, or hide the fact that you’ve got a wife – forgeddit!

I’m a woman, and like the rest of my sex, possess a sixth sense. And besides, the truth will always out. So start off right from the beginning by being honest – if that’s possible for a man?

2. Don’t be too earnest…

…or try to sound too appealing or I’ll just run a mile. Make me laugh – it’s one of the best ways to get a girl’s panties off (oops – sorry, I know you want more than “just sex”, right?!) – and you’ll stand out from the crowd.

Show a bit of character, a bit of spirit!

What woman in her right mind will pick the damaged goods who moans – “have been badly treated in the past and want someone warm and nurturing”.

Who do you think I am? Your mother?!

First Time You Make Contact

photo credit: B Rosen

1. Don’t “wink” at me…

…or I’ll just want to poke you in the eye! What am I? Not good enough for you to spend a few minutes actually dropping by and saying hello properly?

Ok – so you’re Brad Pitt, and of course I’ll drop everything and come chase after you. But let’s face it – you’re not, and I don’t. Chase, that is.

So do us both a favour – if you haven’t got the guts to actually approach me properly, don’t expect me to come running!

2. I’ll show you mine…

if you’ll show me yours – photographs that is.

Ok – so I’ve always known men fall in love with their eyes, whilst women fall in love with their ears (we’re just not as shallow).

But don’t ask me to send you a whole heap of pictures of myself if you’ve just got the one of you graduating (you did graduate, right?) for me to show my girlfriends.

And I will – show my girlfriends that is, because that’s what we do.

So be prepared to be scrutinised buddy – or we’ll soon sniff out the fakers! Hence the  importance of honesty – see earlier.

3. At least make the effort…

…to read my profile. I mean, there’s stuff up there that you can ask me about, share your thoughts on – and stuff that’ll also let you know whether you’re going to be wasting my time as well as your own.

Don’t ask me about my pussy when I’ve already said I have a Chihuahua!

So, Say You manage to Get Past First Base

photo credit: jeffk

1. Which means…

…in Internet Dating terms, we start to communicate “off-site” via a proper emailing system or even by phone. This is a pretty good sign because if you’ve got this far with me, chances are I’m already thinking I might like to MIRL – “meet in real life”. Geddit?

So where are you going to take me on a first date?

Steady, tiger – I did only say “first base”, remember?!

2.  You’re not gonna bore me…

…are you? Suppose I agree to meet up, don’t even think about taking me out for “dinner a deux”. Not yet, anyway.

Why? Well – think about it.

You, me, face-to-face across a candlelit table. All a bit “full-on” for two people who have only just met.

The last thing I want is all that eyeball-to-eyeball, let’s get serious, do I want a baby and telling me all your history thing! If the last one broke your heart, don’t come to me to lick your wounds! There’s better things to lick, in my opinion!

So anyway, for a first date, let’s try the zoo, ice-skating even an art gallery? Anything where there’ll be plenty to distract me – just in case we’ve both made a big mistake!

Want to Know The Next Steps You Must Take?

Well, come back and read part two – “10 Ways to Seduce Your Perfect Online Match”

That’s if you think you’re man enough……?