The key to creating and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship is developing great communication skills.
The thing is though it’s not always easy, especially as men and women tend to have such differing styles of communicating.
Most men seem to have the capacity to “compartmentalize” their feelings and deal with one issue at a time. A woman, on the other hand, tends to keep everything interlinked and so if discussing her relationship will bring up all the things, which to her, are related.
This can lead to “emotion overwhelm” for the man as he finds this approach just way to intimidating.
For any relationship to be successful, each partner needs to have their needs met and get what they ideally want from being with the other person. To achieve this, all we really need to do is ask. However, most of us don’t think that this is possible and continue to bottle up our frustration, simmer in silence and become gradually disillusioned with what we have with our partners.
If you can relate to this then one of the best ways to get your partner to give you what you want is to first of all give “it”, to them. The old adage of “treating people as you’d expect to be treated” is equally true when applied to our closest relationships.
If you want your partner to be kinder, more sensitive, more proactive etc, then first of all take a good look at yourself. You may be surprised to find that you are not exactly giving the best of yourself to your mate either.
Another area where we often “fall flat” is by simply being too argumentative.
When we are unhappy with our partner, we quite often let emotion overrule our thoughts and start to communicate in a fashion that leads to our mate feeling like they are under attack.
photo credit: victoriapeckham
If there is something that is upsetting you, try to maintain a bit of self-control and state your case in a simple, factual manner. Present your feelings in a statement rather than a whining tirade.
For example, if your partner has done something that upsets you, simply point it out to them by saying, “Last night you said/did “whatever” and it hurt my feelings. Please don’t do that again”.
It might sound simplistic but it tends to work. Firstly, you’re stating a fact that cannot be denied whilst explaining how you were made to feel and then asking, quite clearly, that they don’t do “it” again.
The chances of the discussion leading into a full-blown argument are vastly reduced and you have made yourself quite clear without the two of you getting upset and falling out
Another “communicating crime” we all tend to commit is that of “not hearing” what our partner is actually saying to us.
We might listen to the words coming out of the mouth of our boyfriend/wife etc, but are we actually “hearing” what it is they are trying to tell us?
Many of us, the moment someone attempts to speak to us about sensitive issues, become extremely defensive. We start to pick out certain words and, unintentionally, distort their meaning by taking them out of context. We start to attach our own agenda to whatever it is the other person is trying to say to us.
A lot of this boils down to the perception we have of ourselves rather than the way the person we love actually feels about us. Would this person be with you in the first place if they didn’t already think you were great?
Be realistic – nobody is perfect and if the person you are in love with tries to discuss a relationship issue with you, listen to what they have to say without feeling like you are under attack.
Think about whatever they are saying, don’t jump to conclusions but do try your hardest to see things from their point of view. This way, you’ll gain greater insight into their character whilst seeing yourself from another persons’ standpoint – which is often a lot more positive than the one we have of ourselves!
Start off by trying one or all of these suggestions for developing better communications skills in your relationships and see how you get on. Things might not improve overnight but, given time, you’ll be surprised at how things can change.
