Online flirting – the way to do it!
We all like it when someone flirts with us. That lovely feeling when you’re the sole focus of somebody’s attention – when all they’re doing is trying to make you feel good about yourself. It feels great, doesn’t it?
The thing is though, when face to face, flirting is a breeze – a woman playing with her hair, a man holding your gaze just that little bit longer than necessary and, with subtlety, mirroring every move you make. All the little add-ons to the conversation that make it quite clear, without actually putting it into words, that you’re interested in each other.
But what about flirting online?
Ok, so you could use your webcam, but how many of us feel confident doing that until we’re really familiar with someone?
No – if you’re trying to get to know someone via the internet, words are your secret weapon.
For a lot of you, I guess that feels pretty freaky! I mean, we’re not all great at writing, are we?
That’s no big deal. Think about it – if you’re nervous or afraid of rejection, isn’t it a heck of a lot easier to take if you’re not actually face to face with somebody?
Doesn’t that lack of pressure immediately make you loosen up and be able to find the words you want to say when you’d ordinarily be tongue-tied? Of course it does!
Listed below are a few, simple pointers to follow as you ease yourself into email flirting without getting all hot under the collar. You’ll soon be making it quite clear to the person on the receiving end that you’d love to get to know them a whole lot better.
Online or offline – flirting is about having fun!
Keep things fun and light hearted. Be entertaining and avoid getting too heavy. You want him or her to enjoy “talking” with you and be eagerly waiting to receive your next email.
Play the game
You know when you’re watching a game of tennis and the two players get into a really great volley that has everyone one the edge of their seat, waiting to see who’s going to break first? Well, that’s just what great online flirting is like. Short, sassy, confident emails flying to and fro. You can feel the excitement and anticipation of the return landing in your inbox from the moment you hit send.
Come clean
Tell the truth. Don’t create some imaginary persona or claim the looks of a movie star just to add a bit of oomph to your emails. The person on the receiving end will just be angry and disappointed when they find out the truth.
Look to the future
A word of warning. Don’t ask them about past relationships. You want your emails to be positive and forward looking. Why dredge up what’s gone before when all you’re really interested in is being a part of their future?
Check, check and check again
Show some courtesy and take the time to check over your emails before you send them for spelling and grammar mistakes. It’s just good old-fashioned courtesy and you can guarantee it’ll get you noticed.
Ask flirtatious questions
Where is the most romantic place you’d like to go on a date? What’s your favourite flavour of ice-cream? Where would your dream holiday destination for you and your lover be? Asking light-hearted questions is a good way to get someone communicating with you. We all like it when someone shows an interest and it’s a great opportunity for you to find out more about them.
Be careful what you say
It’s really easy for the content of an email to be misconstrued. The number of misunderstandings that take place online would provide enough content to put comedy screen writers out of work for the next hundred years. You might be able to laugh about it later, but at the time it might not be so funny. Try and make sure your tone is easy to determine and that what you say doesn’t have more than one meaning and you should be fine
Finally facing reality
So you’ve been flirting for some time and the tension between you is palpable. You’ve got some thinking to do. What if you meet up and the reality doesn’t compare to the fantasy you’ve been living online? Are you prepared to take that risk? If the answer is yes, then go for it. Jump in your car, catch that train, get on an aeroplane. Do whatever it takes. Just be prepared to deal with the consequences of bringing your online relationship to life – whatever those consequences may be!
Communication skills for successful relationships
The key to creating and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship is developing great communication skills.
The thing is though it’s not always easy, especially as men and women tend to have such differing styles of communicating.
Most men seem to have the capacity to “compartmentalize” their feelings and deal with one issue at a time. A woman, on the other hand, tends to keep everything interlinked and so if discussing her relationship will bring up all the things, which to her, are related.
This can lead to “emotion overwhelm” for the man as he finds this approach just way to intimidating.
For any relationship to be successful, each partner needs to have their needs met and get what they ideally want from being with the other person. To achieve this, all we really need to do is ask. However, most of us don’t think that this is possible and continue to bottle up our frustration, simmer in silence and become gradually disillusioned with what we have with our partners.
If you can relate to this then one of the best ways to get your partner to give you what you want is to first of all give “it”, to them. The old adage of “treating people as you’d expect to be treated” is equally true when applied to our closest relationships.
If you want your partner to be kinder, more sensitive, more proactive etc, then first of all take a good look at yourself. You may be surprised to find that you are not exactly giving the best of yourself to your mate either.
Another area where we often “fall flat” is by simply being too argumentative.
When we are unhappy with our partner, we quite often let emotion overrule our thoughts and start to communicate in a fashion that leads to our mate feeling like they are under attack.
photo credit: victoriapeckham
If there is something that is upsetting you, try to maintain a bit of self-control and state your case in a simple, factual manner. Present your feelings in a statement rather than a whining tirade.
For example, if your partner has done something that upsets you, simply point it out to them by saying, “Last night you said/did “whatever” and it hurt my feelings. Please don’t do that again”.
It might sound simplistic but it tends to work. Firstly, you’re stating a fact that cannot be denied whilst explaining how you were made to feel and then asking, quite clearly, that they don’t do “it” again.
The chances of the discussion leading into a full-blown argument are vastly reduced and you have made yourself quite clear without the two of you getting upset and falling out
Another “communicating crime” we all tend to commit is that of “not hearing” what our partner is actually saying to us.
We might listen to the words coming out of the mouth of our boyfriend/wife etc, but are we actually “hearing” what it is they are trying to tell us?
Many of us, the moment someone attempts to speak to us about sensitive issues, become extremely defensive. We start to pick out certain words and, unintentionally, distort their meaning by taking them out of context. We start to attach our own agenda to whatever it is the other person is trying to say to us.
A lot of this boils down to the perception we have of ourselves rather than the way the person we love actually feels about us. Would this person be with you in the first place if they didn’t already think you were great?
Be realistic – nobody is perfect and if the person you are in love with tries to discuss a relationship issue with you, listen to what they have to say without feeling like you are under attack.
Think about whatever they are saying, don’t jump to conclusions but do try your hardest to see things from their point of view. This way, you’ll gain greater insight into their character whilst seeing yourself from another persons’ standpoint – which is often a lot more positive than the one we have of ourselves!
Start off by trying one or all of these suggestions for developing better communications skills in your relationships and see how you get on. Things might not improve overnight but, given time, you’ll be surprised at how things can change.
How to Kiss for the Very First Time….
The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.
Emil Ludwig (1881-1948)
After weeks of talking and getting to know someone online, you’ve finally taken the plunge and set up your first date together.
The evening is drawing to a close and you’ve had a great time but you’re starting to get nervous. The minutes are counting down, bringing you closer and closer to that exciting, almost inevitable moment at the end of the evening – your first kiss.
You really want to kiss him/her but you are so nervous you’re just not sure how to go about it.
So much hinges on the first kiss. Kissing, after all, is known to trigger a string of reflex chemical reactions in our minds and throughout our bodies.
We kiss with tenderness, passion, desire and emotion. We kiss because it makes us feel good and strengthens bonds we already share with the person we are kissing.
It is the unspoken prelude to that which is the ultimate state of all lovers – ecstasy, joy and fulfilment. No wonder so many of us are filled with anxiety at the thought of the first kiss – the moment that can make a difference between just a nice night out and the start of the rest of your life.
We’ve put together a few tips on the art of how and when to just lick your lips and get kissing!
1. Be kissable!
“Where should one use perfume?”a young woman asked.
“Wherever one wants to be kissed,”I said.
Coco Chanel
Humans, like most other living creatures, are highly sensitive to the scent of the opposite sex. Making sure you are freshly showered and have a pack of breath mints handy is a good idea. And whilst most men and women wear some form of aftershave/perfume, try not to use too much or you’ll over power that which is most desirable of all – the imperceptible aroma of your own sexual pheromones!
2. Make sure you read the signs properly!
The worst thing a man can ever do is kiss me on the first date.
Halle Berry
Ok – so we’re all different. But wouldn’t it be terrible if you mis-read the signs and tried to kiss him/her when they really were not ready? So how can you tell if your advances are going to be welcomed or not?
Well, pay attention to signals that say the other person is “into you” and ready for that first kiss. Are they getting a bit “touchy feely”, brushing up against you and flirting with you? Has the subject of kissing come up in conversation?
If you haven’t noticed any subtle signs that this person would like to be kissed, try sending out a few signals of your own and see what sort of response you get. Maybe they’re just shy and waiting for you to make the first move?
3. Getting the timing right
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
Ingrid Bergman
There really shouldn’t be any big rush when it comes to your first kiss. Wait for the signs and give expectation and anticipation a chance to work their magic. The time will come when words really will become superfluous and the only thing left to do will be to kiss.
4. Going in for the kiss
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.
Eduardo Galeano
By the time you’re ready to kiss, chances are you’re already pretty close together – whether you’re strolling home hand in hand or sat with your heads almost touching, deep in conversation in a restaurant. Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, just try to relax and enjoy it.
As you lean into kiss, tip your head to one side and look into your partner’s eyes, closing them once your lips have made contact. Hold hands, put your arm around their waist, bury your fingers in their hair as you enjoy the sensation of your mouths gently exploring each other for the very first time.
Feel your toes tingle and enjoy every single second.
5. Simply make the kiss the reason for the kiss….
Soul meets soul on lovers’ lips.
Percy Bysshe Shelley
Clear your mind and just “feel” the kiss. Experience the sensations flowing through your body and feel the beating of your heart. Don’t think about what comes next, don’t think about whether you’re “doing it right”, never worry about how you might look, don’t wonder what your partner is thinking – don’t think, period.
Just feel.
The best kissers concentrate solely on the kiss and seem not to expect anything more than the pleasure to be had from such an intimate act of sharing between two people.
So enjoy the soft caress of each others’ lips and stop worrying about where it may or may not lead!
Wishful Thinking….a fantasy
Alone on a Greek island. First time traveling on my own.
I look at my watch – 1pm. All the shops and tavernas will be closing their shutters and doors for the afternoon. Holiday-makers and inhabitants of the tiny fishing village retreating to their villas and homes, sensibly escaping the burning heat.
But this is my favourite time of day – the intensity of the sun scorching my body as the bone melting rays pin me to the sand that I lie baking myself on. I stretch and close my eyes, luxuriating in the feeling of being almost naked, drenched in glorious sunshine.
I must have slept for a little while because I suddenly realise that what little tide there is on the island has come in and water is lapping at my toes. Sitting up and glancing along the beach, I see one other foolhardy sun-worshipper lay on his towel, looking out to sea.
Realising I’m thirsty I pick up my bag, leaving my towel and clothes where they are. Wrapping a sarong around my naked breasts, I head to the rocky outcrop at the end of the beach where ice cold beer, in the scruffy beach shack that seems to be open 24 hours a day, beckons.
Sitting at the only table outside the shack, I slowly sip my drink from the bottle. I watch as the man I’d noticed a few moments earlier stands and starts to walk towards where I’m sat, probably needing to quench his thirst too.
As he walks past me, he smiles and nods but doesn’t speak. When he’s bought his beer, he comes back out and gestures to the other chair at my table, as though asking if it’s ok for him to be seated.
“Please do”, I say. “Oh, you’re English”, he replies, “I thought perhaps you were Greek yourself, being so dark”.
I laugh and comment that the Greeks have far more sense than us English, staying out in the afternoon heat.
He’s quite a bit older than me and he smiles a lot as he talks about nothing in particular. I like his eyes, the way they sort of hold my gaze a second longer than they really should. They sparkle, as though he knows what he’s doing.
We both finish our beer and stand to head off back down the beach.
It’s when we start to walk that I realise how tall he is and I have to keep looking up at him when I speak. We reach his towel first and pause for a moment to finish our conversation, then I carry on back to my spot.
After a few steps, I turn round to find him still watching me. I smile and ask him if he’d like to bring his things down to where I’ve been lay.
He lies next to me and we carry on talking, but this time there’s an edge to our conversation and I can feel myself getting excited. I look around the beach and can see no-one.
Taking a chance, I turn back to him and ask if he’d mind putting some sun cream on my back for me, passing him the bottle so he doesn’t really have much choice in the matter.
I remove my sarong and turn to lie on my tummy, but not before he catches sight of my semi-nakedness.
The cool flow of sun lotion as it lands on my bare skin makes me shiver. His strong hands get to work and slowly spread the cream between my shoulder blades and up to my neck in a sweeping circular motion. A little moan escapes my lips as I feel the tension in my shoulders dissolving, but realise it is starting to build elsewhere.
The rubbing and kneading of the muscles in my back goes on for some minutes before I become aware of his hands starting to work their way lower until they arrive at the edge of my bikini pants.
I hold my breath, wondering what he’ll do next. Will he sense the need I have for him to slide his fingers beneath the cloth and get to work on the cheeks of my bottom? He pauses for a moment, then gently slips one hand under my pants and begins to knead the soft flesh beneath.
I want to grind my crotch down into the hot sand beneath me, but I’m afraid this might make him stop. So instead, I lie still and try to control my breathing, which is becoming faster as each second goes by.
Suddenly, his hand slides from my bottom and he gets hold of my hip-bone, rolling me over until I am lay on my back, looking straight up into his eyes. Neither of us speaks, we just smile as he gets the bottle of sun lotion and lazily draws a snaking pattern with the slippery white content all over my stomach and finally my breasts.
I can’t believe this is happening. “Close your eyes”, he whispers and I obey him.
The thought of being massaged so sensuously in the middle of the exposed but deserted beach excites me almost as much as the actual sensations that are hitting my body. He slowly draws his fingertips through the cream on my skin, starting at my navel and working his way out over my tummy, light as a feather.
I draw my knees up and stifle a moan as I fight the urge to push his hand lower, between my thighs. I don’t know how I resist.
Gradually, he starts to work his way up and over my ribs. My nipples are hurting they are so tight and aching to be touched. But he teases me and after gently circling each breast, he moves away to my collarbone and then up to my lips.
My tongue snakes out and licks his fingers, drawing the middle one between my lips where I gently simulate what I’d like to be doing to his cock.
For the first time, I hear him make a telltale noise of desire and I realise that his need for release is becoming as great as mine.
He takes his hand away and I lie still in anticipation for him to resume his journey around my body, hoping that this time he’ll give my breasts the attention they desperately crave.
But instead of his hands, it is his mouth that I suddenly become aware of on my skin. His tongue tracing tiny, barely there circles around my left nipple, so light and feathery as to be almost unbearable.
I gasp out loud. I want him to just take me, right now. I want him to tear my bikini pants off and pound me into the sand.
He senses my growing need and whilst now starting to bite gently at my nipple, he places one of his hands on the top of my thigh, just nudging the edge of my pants. I feel his thumb land directly on my clitoris, separated by only a thin slip of black nylon that is stretched tight across my sex.
The sensation of his touch through the cloth is somehow even more erotic than if he had been touching the naked slippery flesh itself. I can now hardly control myself, but I’m determined to lie still and keep my eyes closed, letting him do as he pleases as his intention is obviously to please me.
Sucking hard on my breast now, his rubbing between my thighs is becoming more insistent until I realise that with his other hand, he’s undone the string bow at my hip and I feel myself exposed to the burning rays of the sun. I almost orgasm there and then.
There’s no gentle teasing any longer. He lifts his head and sees my shaven pussy and forcefully thrusts his fingers deep inside me. I’m so wet and ready that they slide straight in.
I spread my legs as wide as I can and push my groin up to meet each thrust of his hand. Each time I bang against his palm, my clitoris throbs and pulsates, almost tipping me over the edge.
He dips his head down between my thighs and, feeling the tip of his tongue against my skin, I fear I can’t hold back any longer.
As though he senses this, with one final thrust of his fingers, he quickly removes his hand and presses his face into my sex – sucking, licking and biting as I have the most powerful orgasm of my entire life.
It takes me quite a while to recover, and when I do, I open my eyes to see him smiling down at me.
I return his smile as I simply say, “I think you’d better pass me the cream – you look like you’re starting to burn”.
