A Man’s Guide to Starting Online Dating
Ok boys….you want a woman? Well listen up!
First and Foremost – Your Online Profile.
1. If you think you can lie about your age….
…use a picture of your best mates muscles, or hide the fact that you’ve got a wife – forgeddit!
I’m a woman, and like the rest of my sex, possess a sixth sense. And besides, the truth will always out. So start off right from the beginning by being honest – if that’s possible for a man?
2. Don’t be too earnest…
…or try to sound too appealing or I’ll just run a mile. Make me laugh – it’s one of the best ways to get a girl’s panties off (oops – sorry, I know you want more than “just sex”, right?!) – and you’ll stand out from the crowd.
Show a bit of character, a bit of spirit!
What woman in her right mind will pick the damaged goods who moans – “have been badly treated in the past and want someone warm and nurturing”.
Who do you think I am? Your mother?!
First Time You Make Contact
photo credit: B Rosen
1. Don’t “wink” at me…
…or I’ll just want to poke you in the eye! What am I? Not good enough for you to spend a few minutes actually dropping by and saying hello properly?
Ok – so you’re Brad Pitt, and of course I’ll drop everything and come chase after you. But let’s face it – you’re not, and I don’t. Chase, that is.
So do us both a favour – if you haven’t got the guts to actually approach me properly, don’t expect me to come running!
2. I’ll show you mine…
if you’ll show me yours – photographs that is.
Ok – so I’ve always known men fall in love with their eyes, whilst women fall in love with their ears (we’re just not as shallow).
But don’t ask me to send you a whole heap of pictures of myself if you’ve just got the one of you graduating (you did graduate, right?) for me to show my girlfriends.
And I will – show my girlfriends that is, because that’s what we do.
So be prepared to be scrutinised buddy – or we’ll soon sniff out the fakers! Hence the importance of honesty – see earlier.
3. At least make the effort…
…to read my profile. I mean, there’s stuff up there that you can ask me about, share your thoughts on – and stuff that’ll also let you know whether you’re going to be wasting my time as well as your own.
Don’t ask me about my pussy when I’ve already said I have a Chihuahua!
So, Say You manage to Get Past First Base
1. Which means…
…in Internet Dating terms, we start to communicate “off-site” via a proper emailing system or even by phone. This is a pretty good sign because if you’ve got this far with me, chances are I’m already thinking I might like to MIRL – “meet in real life”. Geddit?
So where are you going to take me on a first date?
Steady, tiger – I did only say “first base”, remember?!
2. You’re not gonna bore me…
…are you? Suppose I agree to meet up, don’t even think about taking me out for “dinner a deux”. Not yet, anyway.
Why? Well – think about it.
You, me, face-to-face across a candlelit table. All a bit “full-on” for two people who have only just met.
The last thing I want is all that eyeball-to-eyeball, let’s get serious, do I want a baby and telling me all your history thing! If the last one broke your heart, don’t come to me to lick your wounds! There’s better things to lick, in my opinion!
So anyway, for a first date, let’s try the zoo, ice-skating even an art gallery? Anything where there’ll be plenty to distract me – just in case we’ve both made a big mistake!
Want to Know The Next Steps You Must Take?
Well, come back and read part two – “10 Ways to Seduce Your Perfect Online Match”
That’s if you think you’re man enough……?
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