Online flirting – the way to do it!

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We all like it when someone flirts with us. That lovely feeling when you’re the sole focus of somebody’s attention – when all they’re doing is trying to make you feel good about yourself. It feels great, doesn’t it?

The thing is though, when face to face, flirting is a breeze – a woman playing with her hair, a man holding your gaze just that little bit longer than necessary and, with subtlety, mirroring every move you make. All the little add-ons to the conversation that make it quite clear, without actually putting it into words, that you’re interested in each other.

But what about flirting online?

Ok, so you could use your webcam, but how many of us feel confident doing that until we’re really familiar with someone?

No – if you’re trying to get to know someone via the internet, words are your secret weapon.

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Creative Commons License photo credit: dyanna

For a lot of you, I guess that feels pretty freaky! I mean, we’re not all great at writing, are we?

That’s no big deal. Think about it – if you’re nervous or afraid of rejection, isn’t it a heck of a lot easier to take if you’re not actually face to face with somebody?

Doesn’t that lack of pressure immediately make you loosen up and be able to find the words you want to say when you’d ordinarily be tongue-tied? Of course it does!

Listed below are a few, simple pointers to follow as you ease yourself into email flirting without getting all hot under the collar. You’ll soon be making it quite clear to the person on the receiving end that you’d love to get to know them a whole lot better.

Online or offline – flirting is about having fun!

Keep things fun and light hearted. Be entertaining and avoid getting too heavy. You want him or her to enjoy “talking” with you and be eagerly waiting to receive your next email.

Play the game

You know when you’re watching a game of tennis and the two players get into a really great volley that has everyone one the edge of their seat, waiting to see who’s going to break first? Well, that’s just what great online flirting is like. Short, sassy, confident emails flying to and fro. You can feel the excitement and anticipation of the return landing in your inbox from the moment you hit send.

Come clean

Tell the truth. Don’t create some imaginary persona or claim the looks of a movie star just to add a bit of oomph to your emails. The person on the receiving end will just be angry and disappointed when they find out the truth.

Look to the future

A word of warning. Don’t ask them about past relationships. You want your emails to be positive and forward looking. Why dredge up what’s gone before when all you’re really interested in is being a part of their future?

Check, check and check again

Show some courtesy and take the time to check over your emails before you send them for spelling and grammar mistakes. It’s just good old-fashioned courtesy and you can guarantee it’ll get you noticed.

Ask flirtatious questions

Where is the most romantic place you’d like to go on a date? What’s your favourite flavour of ice-cream? Where would your dream holiday destination for you and your lover be? Asking light-hearted questions is a good way to get someone communicating with you. We all like it when someone shows an interest and it’s a great opportunity for you to find out more about them.

Be careful what you say

It’s really easy for the content of an email to be misconstrued. The number of misunderstandings that take place online would provide enough content to put comedy screen writers out of work for the next hundred years. You might be able to laugh about it later, but at the time it might not be so funny. Try and make sure your tone is easy to determine and that what you say doesn’t have more than one meaning and you should be fine

Finally facing reality

So you’ve been flirting for some time and the tension between you is palpable. You’ve got some thinking to do. What if you meet up and the reality doesn’t compare to the fantasy you’ve been living online? Are you prepared to take that risk? If the answer is yes, then go for it. Jump in your car, catch that train, get on an aeroplane. Do whatever it takes. Just be prepared to deal with the consequences of bringing your online relationship to life – whatever those consequences may be!

Filed Under: Guide to Online Dating Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,

Communication skills for successful relationships

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The key to creating and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship is developing great communication skills.

The thing is though it’s not always easy, especially as men and women tend to have such differing styles of communicating.

Most men seem to have the capacity to “compartmentalize” their feelings and deal with one issue at a time. A woman, on the other hand, tends to keep everything interlinked and so if discussing her relationship will bring up all the things, which to her, are related.

This can lead to “emotion overwhelm” for the man as he finds this approach just way to intimidating.

For any relationship to be successful, each partner needs to have their needs met and get what they ideally want from being with the other person. To achieve this, all we really need to do is ask. However, most of us don’t think that this is possible and continue to bottle up our frustration, simmer in silence and become gradually disillusioned with what we have with our partners.

If you can relate to this then one of the best ways to get your partner to give you what you want is to first of all give “it”, to them. The old adage of “treating people as you’d expect to be treated” is equally true when applied to our closest relationships.

If you want your partner to be kinder, more sensitive, more proactive etc, then first of all take a good look at yourself. You may be surprised to find that you are not exactly giving the best of yourself to your mate either.

Another area where we often “fall flat” is by simply being too argumentative.

When we are unhappy with our partner, we quite often let emotion overrule our thoughts and start to communicate in a fashion that leads to our mate feeling like they are under attack.

Strangling statues
Creative Commons License photo credit: victoriapeckham

If there is something that is upsetting you, try to maintain a bit of self-control and state your case in a simple, factual manner. Present your feelings in a statement rather than a whining tirade.

For example, if your partner has done something that upsets you, simply point it out to them by saying, “Last night you said/did “whatever” and it hurt my feelings. Please don’t do that again”.

It might sound simplistic but it tends to work. Firstly, you’re stating a fact that cannot be denied whilst explaining how you were made to feel and then asking, quite clearly, that they don’t do “it” again.

The chances of the discussion leading into a full-blown argument are vastly reduced and you have made yourself quite clear without the two of you getting upset and falling out

Another “communicating crime” we all tend to commit is that of “not hearing” what our partner is actually saying to us.

We might listen to the words coming out of the mouth of our boyfriend/wife etc, but are we actually “hearing” what it is they are trying to tell us?

Many of us, the moment someone attempts to speak to us about sensitive issues, become extremely defensive. We start to pick out certain words and, unintentionally, distort their meaning by taking them out of context. We start to attach our own agenda to whatever it is the other person is trying to say to us.

A lot of this boils down to the perception we have of ourselves rather than the way the person we love actually feels about us. Would this person be with you in the first place if they didn’t already think you were great?

Be realistic – nobody is perfect and if the person you are in love with tries to discuss a relationship issue with you, listen to what they have to say without feeling like you are under attack.

Think about whatever they are saying, don’t jump to conclusions but do try your hardest to see things from their point of view. This way, you’ll gain greater insight into their character whilst seeing yourself from another persons’ standpoint – which is often a lot more positive than the one we have of ourselves!

Start off by trying one or all of these suggestions for developing better communications skills in your relationships and see how you get on. Things might not improve overnight but, given time, you’ll be surprised at how things can change.

Filed Under: Psychology Tagged: , , , , ,

How to Kiss for the Very First Time….

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The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.
Emil Ludwig (1881-1948)

Us
Creative Commons License photo credit: MM S

After weeks of talking and getting to know someone online, you’ve finally taken the plunge and set up your first date together.

The evening is drawing to a close and you’ve had a great time but you’re starting to get nervous. The minutes are counting down, bringing you closer and closer to that exciting, almost inevitable moment at the end of the evening – your first kiss.

You really want to kiss him/her but you are so nervous you’re just not sure how to go about it.

So much hinges on the first kiss. Kissing, after all, is known to trigger a string of reflex chemical reactions in our minds and throughout our bodies.

We kiss with tenderness, passion, desire and emotion. We kiss because it makes us feel good and strengthens bonds we already share with the person we are kissing.

It is the unspoken prelude to that which is the ultimate state of all lovers – ecstasy, joy and fulfilment. No wonder so many of us are filled with anxiety at the thought of the first kiss – the moment that can make a difference between just a nice night out and the start of the rest of your life.

We’ve put together a few tips on the art of how and when to just lick your lips and get kissing!

1. Be kissable!

“Where should one use perfume?”a young woman asked.
“Wherever one wants to be kissed,”I said.
Coco Chanel

Humans, like most other living creatures, are highly sensitive to the scent of the opposite sex. Making sure you are freshly showered and have a pack of breath mints handy is a good idea. And whilst most men and women wear some form of aftershave/perfume, try not to use too much or you’ll over power that which is most desirable of all – the imperceptible aroma of your own sexual pheromones!

2. Make sure you read the signs properly!

The worst thing a man can ever do is kiss me on the first date.
Halle Berry

Ok – so we’re all different. But wouldn’t it be terrible if you mis-read the signs and tried to kiss him/her when they really were not ready? So how can you tell if your advances are going to be welcomed or not?

Well, pay attention to signals that say the other person is “into you” and ready for that first kiss. Are they getting a bit “touchy feely”, brushing up against you and flirting with you? Has the subject of kissing come up in conversation?

If you haven’t noticed any subtle signs that this person would like to be kissed, try sending out a few signals of your own and see what sort of response you get. Maybe they’re just shy and waiting for you to make the first move?

3. Getting the timing right

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
Ingrid Bergman

There really shouldn’t be any big rush when it comes to your first kiss. Wait for the signs and give expectation and anticipation a chance to work their magic. The time will come when words really will become superfluous and the only thing left to do will be to kiss.

4. Going in for the kiss

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.
Eduardo Galeano

By the time you’re ready to kiss, chances are you’re already pretty close together – whether you’re strolling home hand in hand or sat with your heads almost touching, deep in conversation in a restaurant. Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, just try to relax and enjoy it.

As you lean into kiss, tip your head to one side and look into your partner’s eyes, closing them once your lips have made contact. Hold hands, put your arm around their waist, bury your fingers in their hair as you enjoy the sensation of your mouths gently exploring each other for the very first time.

Feel your toes tingle and enjoy every single second.

5. Simply make the kiss the reason for the kiss….

Soul meets soul on lovers’ lips.
Percy Bysshe Shelley

Clear your mind and just “feel” the kiss. Experience the sensations flowing through your body and feel the beating of your heart. Don’t think about what comes next, don’t think about whether you’re “doing it right”, never worry about how you might look, don’t wonder what your partner is thinking – don’t think, period.

Just feel.

The best kissers concentrate solely on the kiss and seem not to expect anything more than the pleasure to be had from such an intimate act of sharing between two people.

So enjoy the soft caress of each others’ lips and stop worrying about where it may or may not lead!

Filed Under: Dating Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dating Rules

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Do you remember when you were a teenager and all you ever did was talk about dating – how to get a date, what to do when you were on a date, how to keep a date etc?

It seemed almost like a full time occupation!

I bet you and your friends would spend ages analyzing and advising each other on techniques to use and rules to follow in order to succeed.

It was a bit like having your own little version of the Sex and the City girls going on – talking about what to wear, where to go, when to call, when not to call and all the rest of it.

Suddenly though, we meet “the one”, settle down, have children and live a life of wedded bliss and slowly but surely forget all the stuff we learned about successfully dealing with the opposite sex.

So when the fairytale comes to a sudden and abrupt end and we are thrust unceremoniously back into the dating arena – well, we simply no longer have a clue what to do!

Sure enough, we start behaving like complete idiots rather than the epitome of  dating sophistication that we once were. We act desperate, call too often, laugh too much, ask the wrong questions and just basically lay ourselves wide open to being taken for a ride and getting hurt all over again.

Like it or not, dating is a game to be played and like all games, there are certain rules to follow to make sure you get to the end – passing “go” and picking up a few treats on the way!

If you want to find and keep your perfect match without getting hurt or losing your head, just refresh your memory with these few simple guidelines on how to play the game and win!

 

A Few General Dating Rules

Always make an effort to look good. I’m not saying you should be judged on your looks, but it is just good manners to make an effort when meeting your date.

Enigmatic women drive men wild. It pays not to reveal too much too soon!

Use your manners and lay off the bottle. Getting drunk, forgetting your “please and thank-yous”, arriving late – they all go towards creating an unfavourable impression rather than eliciting a second date.

Dating a married man is a ticket to getting your heart broken. Only rarely do they ever leave “the wife”. You’re just allowing yourself to be an amusing diversion. You deserve better.

Try dating “a different type”. It was your “usual type” that put you in the position you’re in!

If he starts showing signs of neediness and insecurity, head for the hills! Chances are, you’ve already got children – you’re looking for a man, not a boy.

Never ever talk about past lovers and how they “performed”. Men do not like it – ‘nough said.

Don’t ever tell lies to your date. A year down the line when you’re blissfully in love, all can be shattered by the discovery of that one untruth when you were just starting out. Besides, you’re good enough as you are – you don’t need to make things up just to impress! Good relationships are based on honesty and trust.

Should you or shouldn’t you? You know what I mean! Sex on the first date…. Well, in my opinion, it’s a no-no. I wouldn’t think much of him afterwards, and I’m pretty sure it’d change his opinion of me too!

Finally – be safe! And I don’t just mean if you choose to ignore my last piece of advice. (Incidentally, women can buy condoms too you know). Anyway, tell your friends when you’re meeting him, where you’re meeting and make sure you take your phone.


Always remember, you’re gorgeous, you’re funny, you’re fabulous and the world is your oyster!
 

Filed Under: Dating Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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